Starting Again

Well, it seems like everything is starting to fall into place. As of right now, i'm officially starting back at trucking school on Monday. I've been sitting at my cousin's house for the last three week's. I've had a lot of time to meditate and clear my mind. I should be finished with school, but i'm happy I had the alone time. I think i'm a lot more prepared for what's to come. I'm ready to learn. I'm am really ready to make some money again.

I have been trying to keep in better touch with my family. I am using multiple method's in order to communicate with them. I want to start more of a support system, not only for me, but for the whole family. I'm going to take the initiative at this time to use multiple forms of communication to reach out and stay in contact with them.

I'm also going to work on my relationship. Recently, i've been trying to give my woman more space, even with the distance. Since we are apart, it makes it easier. Hopefully, it will give us both the space we need to get ourselves together. Really focus on our own personal need's and want's, and how to take care of them on our own. When we accomplish that, added to what we have already been through, I believe we will be much stronger and successful.

I guess everything happens for a reason. I'm glad I have a pretty free flowing spirit, so I can go with the flow. I just stumbled off the path. I'm back on it.

Peace

Moaning Turtle

Yo, this turtle is putting in work, and enjoying every minute of it. I'm still on the floor. 

-Turtle getting his moan on-

Firefighters refuse to put out fire

Some things just don't make sense to me. The homeowner doesn't seem to phased by it...I guess we will really see how he feels about it when he goes on a shooting rampage.

Circus Lion Attack Caught on Tape

What I don't understand is why he continues to taunt the lion a second time!

McLaren SLR review

I love the way he describes the location of his organs. I would gladly deal with my organs shifting just to have the chance to drive this beast. Mercedes imployed a Lysholm-type twin-screw supercharger to put the horsepower output at 617 hp and 580lb-ft. Just watch the sheer power and beauty of this machine. to put it simply, a lady in the streets but a freak in the bed. Time to drown myself back into automotive technology. 

 BFS

Poor little tabby : (

 This is actually very sad, especially since I used to have a tabby that looked just like this. After my customary run at the park the other day, I thought I saw a cute little cat sunbathing in the parking lot. It was very random, but hey, isn't most things? I walked up on it slowly so as not to scare it, but I got no reaction. If anyone saw me, I probably looked like a fool, waving my hand in front of it's face and yelling at it. But, sadly, I got no reaction. This poor little fella was dead and gone. I just had to take some pictures because the way he was laying was so peculiar. Poor little guy. Looks like he died relaxing though.

Alert Driver Helps Abducted Girl Escape

I sure am glad there are still brave people that, even though they may be scared, they will still act when something is wrong. Victor Perez, a 29 year old man, recognized a truck that had been broadcast on the news as abducting an 8 year old child. He took the initiative to chasing down the truck. After being persistent and continuing to give chase, the kidnapper forced the child out of the truck. She was described as being scared and shaking. The police captured the kidnapper, 24 year old Gergorio Gonzalez, who is a part of the Bulldogs Street gang. The report said that the child had been sexually assaulted, describing the child as being 'frightened and traumatized.' I am proud of this man for taking such a risk to his own life to rescue an innocent child. I pray more people would do the same if they are in the same position.

Click to view complete story on MSNBC News

Reason's, Season's, Lifetime

There is a saying that states that people come into your life for a Reason, a Season, and a Lifetime. Its not up to us to decide who comes and goes. Of course, we do play a part in the relationship's, but no one can foresee the future. There are many different Reason's why some come and go. A lot of it depends on your personal situation. In my experience, my reason's have ranged from having one common interest, working for the same company, having a similar goal in mind to reach, or maybe just the want of having a friend at the time. Sometimes you welcome the company, sometimes you don't. But there is always some reason. These people go just as fast as they came. No harm done. Maybe they used you. Maybe you used them. Either way, there is no big worry over the relationship ending, it just is.

Next, you have those who are there for a Season. These are slightly longer than the previous relationships. These usually bring a lot more emotions and feelings along with them. There are bigger lessons to be learned, larger love to be lost, and connections harder to break. A lot of times, they are happy times. In my case, I was in love with a woman for five years. Looking back at it, most of the time I was with her, I had no real complaints. We spent our time together sharing, learning, growing, and loving each other and life. But, there came a time when all of that came to an end. I was upset for a time, and truthfully, to a certain extent, I still am. But, that is what I have to go through. It was only a part of my life. I also ended a relationship with a friend of almost ten years. I thought our friendship would last forever. We did everything together. We were like brothers. We had so much in common. We went through good and bad times. We all played our part. We are who we are today because of what we shared. I'm glad for it. I'm a better person, a smarter man, and so much stronger. We all took something away from our relationship's but it came to an end.

Then, you have Lifetime relationships. A strong emotional connection usually comes along with this one.There are many emotions evolved because they last for so long, so there are many up's and down's, but overall, they are worth having. There are many life lessons involved with these relationships, some used now or maybe later in life. A recent example of this in my life is with my Uncle Idan-ni'e M'ba Yer. I was around him as a child, saw him growing up, but did not directly have much contact with him as a teen or an adult, until right now. This time I have been spending with him has been an eye opener for me. It seems that after all of the crap I have been going though, when I was so lost and confused, my dear Uncle came through and taught me much needed lessons. Everything he has been telling me has been very timely for me. He is passing down his personal life lessons to me, like a King to a Prince. I spend most of our time together just listening. I want to know everything he has to tell me. I can hear the love in his strong voice, can see it in his piercing eyes. No joke, he stare's right at me, making sure I understand. I do, and I feel so much powerful. Many of my several Uncles have seemed to have encouraging words at different times in my life, and they always deliver it right on time. I respect everyone of them as strong men, and I have always taught myself to be like them, even from far distances. When I do spend time with them, I notice all of the similarities we have, especially the one's I never noticed while growing up.

I know that I have a lot more connections ahead of me. I will play a part in many people's lives. I hope I leave a good legacy, but no one is perfect. I guess i'm just starting to realize, and come to terms with, why people I always thought would be in my life are now not. I understand that we all have parts to play. No hard feelings. No harm done. Just part of life.

 Peace and Love

Cops Beat Man For Taking Out A Camera After Witnessing Bogus Traffic Stop

God dang, these cops beating on everyone. You want to get paid, get pulled over and get beat down by some cops. They getting to empowered by their position. You know, Huey Newton used to carry around a book of the law in one hand, and carry a gun in the other, letting those being harassed by the police know that they had rights. I'm sure the police were not to quick to run up on any Black Panthers and beat them. I guess that gun was the equalizer.

Trooper Charged for Excessive Force

Video of Trooper Using Excessive Force

Check out former Trooper Arturo Perez slam a 22 year old woman into a wall after a traffic stop.

Phill & Friends Jam Session 10 (Phill BDAY Edition)

I'm really impressed by this man and his folks. He and everyone around

him seem very talented. Everyone has something to bring to the table,

and some more than one. Check out this session at his party. They all

work with each other well. Keep your eyes out for this guy.

Phill & Friends

Walk Alone

I saw a posting on Facebook from an old acquaintance, Jason Johnson, that stated, 'Realizing that I am 26, while ya'll out ther clubbing, messing with these chicken head ho's who ain't about anything, I'm at home, eating steak, trying to raise my family, because it isn't about me anymore.' That comment was so refreshing to hear from someone my own age. I enjoy going out just as much as the next person. I certainly have done my share of partying and clubbing. But what I took from that comment was that Jason is telling everyone to get their lives at home straight before they go out and live their lives like they don't have any other care in the world. He's seems to be doing okay. He has a place to call home, eating good, and taking care of his family. I don't know his complete situation, but i'm going to assume that he has a job, a car, obviously a home, and his family around him to enjoy it with. Who doesn't want that? I know I do. That's exactly why i'm here in Texas, away from my family. I'm doing what I have to do, even when I don't want to. I've been here two weeks. During that time, I have yearned to go home so much. I have gone through my moments of depression, not getting anything done. But, thanks to some around me, I have been encouraged to keep busy, doing what I can to stay positive, and keep a good outlook on the future. I have chose a career that, for a period of time, will keep me away from home for awhile. So, in a since, this is the beginning of my career. That's okay to me, because I can see the future benefits.

I have had encouragement from another man I met on my travels. His name is Johnathan Garland. I met him when I first arrived in Texas. He had left his family in Houston to come to Dallas and, like me, get on with this trucking company. I spent my first weekend with him. We went out and got some drinks. What astounded me about this man was his dedication and focus on his family. Every move he made was based on the fact that he had to do whatever it took to take care of home. He wasn't going to allow anything to keep him from that goal. I had to buy another round, shake his hand, and draw as much energy from that brother that I could. It felt good to hear him evince such powerful feelings.

I'm chuckling right now because there is only so much i'm ready to express about my personal situation, which makes me wonder why i'm writing any of this at all. There are unseen things that i'm waiting to unfurl. When they do so, then, I will comment on them then. I do not have enough information to make any real concrete decisions. Now, i'm not stupid. I pay attention to things. I'm not one to leave myself open to be taken advantage of. I guess i'm writhing all this because I feel, at this moment, that I walk alone. I feel like it"s just me out here. I feel like I have a lot to shoulder, because, if I don't, it won't happen. That's why I make the necessary sacrifices. I'm going to take power from these brothers comments. I'm going to stay focused, work hard, and look forward to seeing all the benefits of my hard work that are to come. Peace to everyone taking care of their business. I'll be there with you soon.

The Roots - Walk Alone

Cooking Dinner With Al

I'm not really big on cooking, but, my mom did teach me a few things to make so that, in her words, "so you won't go hungry." I have picked up more recipe's over the years, but this is one of the easiest and one my personal favorites. It takes no time and you can eat off of it for awhile. It's good fresh, but taste better after sitting overnight. Enjoy.

First, spread oil on the pan. then, spread crescent roll over.

Ingrediant's Needed

2 Pounds of ground beef or turkey

1 Can of of crescent roll

2 Packets of taco mix

1 Block of creme cheese

1/2 can of refried beans

1 Cup of salsa

2 Cups of shredded cheese

Cook meat and add taco mix.

Melt the cream cheese so that it can spread.

Spread cream cheese over pan.

Once meat is done cooking, pour one cup of salsa and half can of refried
beans in meat and mix.

Pour mixture in to pan evenly and place in oven at 350 degrees
until crescent roll is brown.

After roll has turned brown, remove from oven, spread cheese all over, place back in oven until melted.

ALL DONE! ENJOY!

Al speaking to blog #1

Dear John: My First Love

Dear First Love,  there was a time when I would start off with asking how you have been. But that day is far behind me. Speaking truthfully, a lot of things are falling behind me. We met June 2, 2004. So many things changed in me that day. A feeling that I had never felt welled up in my heart. I fell for you from the start. There was a ton of things that touched my heart about you. I never thought I would be without you. There was nothing I wouldn't do for you, and you for me. Even through all of my selfish, forgetful, unthoughtful times, you stuck it out with me. For five years in fact.

Like all good things go, there was the bad to curve them. But were a team. We stuck it out together in a lot of situations. We cared for each other, making a good life for ourselves. Nobody could tell us anything. When I look at where we started, in a weekly hotel room, with one car, and where we ended up, a completely brand new 2 bedroom apartment with two cars, I see the progress we made. We never neglected to help whoever we could, cousins, parents, and friends. I'm shaking my head at all of the things we did. But we were always okay. We worked hard, and we always came home to each other. I never saw anyone else but you. I never paid attention to anyone who made a pass at me, or you for that matter, because I knew what WE had. We stood up for each other. We built each other up. We encouraged each other. We truly loved each other.

Looking back at our past with each other, I still find it hard to realize where we ended up. I thought we just needed some time apart, to step back and see what we needed out of ourselves and each other. I couldn't imagine my self without you. When I thought about the next 5,10, 20 years, all I saw was you. It hurt me the day I honestly came to you and told you I did not love you. I cried for so long about that. I know I hurt you, but I was hurting also. I had to tell you the truth. But I still wanted you. I wanted to do whatever it took to repair our relationship. I guess our time apart gave you the opportunity to see what you really wanted, and it wasn't me. I saw your true personality when I was out of the picture. You broke my trust like I don't think will ever happen again.  I've blamed myself for a lot of what happened to us, but know, I can see the truth. You did exactly what you wanted to do. That's why we are where we are today. You had to go and do you, and that is okay with me.

You will never know what you did to me. I know I hurt you, but you completely broke me down. I'm still rebuilding. It is going to take me awhile to do so. But, I will do it. I'm over our past. I'm over what we had. I'm over what I did. I'm over what you did to me. I'm over you. I wish the best for you in your life. This is my dear john to you. I'm not sure you will ever see it. But this is it. I said my peace.

Goodbye

Adele - First Love

Love Sessions #1

This is a nice blend of music I put together for personal use some time ago, but I decided to share it here. It is a torrent file, so just click on the link, wait for it to download, and enjoy.

Love Sessions #1 Free Download

Walk on by -->

How many times have you walked past something, completely ignoring any significance it may have? Some people go through their lives taking advantage of everything that comes to them. They jump on every opportunity that is in front of them, whether they need it or not. Then you have those who calculate the things presented to them. They really sit back and think about the decisions they are going to embark on, not wanting to waste any time on superfluous things. Lastly, you have those who seem to move blindly, like nothing ever phases them. But, right at the last moment, they look back, albeit to late, and see their missed chances. I believe i'm the last. Over the years, I've had many things come and go, but I never took the chance. I just stayed in the lane I was in, never jumping on anything quickly, and rarely even calculating the benefits of others. I never seem to stray from what I am comfortable with. Its not that i'm afraid of new things. I'm just afraid to lose what I have at the moment.

Now, over this past year, I have lost a lot of the things I've acquired, so that feeling of being without is not so scary. I've lost my apartment. I've lost my car. I've lost my furniture. Just things here and there that meant something to me. But what I have realized finally, is that, in this past year, I really lost two friends. One being my x-wife, and the other, my best friend. I have really tried to suppress my feelings on this matter, but I can no longer turn my back on it. I was told by a very wise person that the breaking of these two relationships would take me on a roller coaster of emotions. Man, was that the truest thing ever. It's not even the matter in which it happened. I have moved passed that. It's the fact that, no matter how I feel about them now, I had a very close bond to these people, for many years. I have seen both of them this year. I even went as far as to reach out to my friend, hoping to patch up my friendship. But alas, it just is not meant to be. I was trying to fill the loneliness in my heart with what I always new to be comforting, my friendship, my brotherhood, my trust, in my my nigga. But all of that was torn away from me suddenly. I can never have that back. And it's just not fair. But, that same wise person told me that life's not fair. As i'm writing this, my eyes still tear up, as it has so much this year. But, no more tears roll down my face. Not any more. I know recognize that they are gone away from me forever. It shouldn't have been like this, but it is, and my life must move on.

I do have great comfort though. Through all of the things we have been through this year, my woman, Tiffany, has been with me. I can honestly say that she has no real knowledge of the pain I have, because I don't talk about it. And even so, she has still made moves with me. She has had to deal with a great deal of silence from me because I had no idea on how to express my feelings to her, afraid to seem like less of a man to her. I wanted her to know I could be strong for the both of us. I neglected her comfort. I also have two great friends, who have been strongholds for me when I needed them. Brandon and Ray. My other two brothers. My baby brother even has a great deal of respect for them. I've cried to them, I've yelled my feelings to them, I've just been broken right in front of them. But they always gave me comfort, in their own ways. And of course, I have had my dear mother there for me every step of the way. Ma, I love you. Thats all I can say.

This morning is going to mark a new beginning for me. It isn't my first, and I feel it won't be my last. I look forward to the evolution. I am no longer going to just walk on by. I'm going to be more alert. More aggressive. Become the positive, loving, outgoing person I was before. Thank you to everyone who has a part in creating who I am.

I'm coming home...

Issac Hayes - Walk On By

A Mother's Support

This is somewhat of a tribute to my mom, Amanda Upton. I had typed this whole page on my feelings for my mom, but it just felt to formal. I love my mom with all my heart, and that's what i want these comments to feel like, heartfelt. I'm not going to go into how my mother raised me all by herself. She trained me to be the man that I am today, and till this very day, she still continues to groom me into a better person. I've been in Texas for two weeks now, but there has not been one day when she has not called me at least a FEW times a day. Not only does she comfort me when i'm lonely, but she still manages to give me great advice worth following. My mom is not one to TELL me what to do. She treats me like a friend, encouraging me to make my own decisions, even though, I know she is probably thinking that's not going to work out. But she doesn't do that. She guides me the best way she can, and lets me see how things work out. Sometimes they do, but most time they don't. But, she can't live my life for me. But, to know I can always turn back to her and give her my big childish look, like "it didn't work out ma", and not get put down, builds me up so much. I'm getting stronger everyday. I perk up as soon as I hear her voice. I like to even hear her voice on her answering machine. I will never be able to fully explain how much she does for me at such a long distance. I don't need to I suppose. I will let my appreciation show through my actions. I will always reach for the highest ring I can attain. 

I Love You Ma

Your Son

Alexander C. McBrayer

A song for you Ma

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tap90z44WR8

This is deffinatley going on my next mixtape...wanted to give you a sneak peak!
http://soundcloud.com/goapele/nothing-compares-2-u

All new to me (but refreshing nonetheless)

I'm a lot better with introductions in person. Some would say i'm quiet or reserved when first approached, but i'm really a very outgoing person. I guess it is the things that have occurred in my life that have shaped me into the person I am. I never understood how that happened until it happened to me. Oh well. So here we are. I remember back on September 11, 2001, I started writing a journal. I thought to myself that the events unfurling that morning were gonna be something I would never forget, and so I should chronicle the events. I kept that journal for a a few years. Then, at some wack point in my life, it was lost forever. I never really put that much effort into putting my thoughts down again. This is my new attempt. I guess we will see how it goes. Give some insight into my brain, and see what people think (if they even care). So here goes. Peace and Love to all.