Dear John: My First Love

Dear First Love,  there was a time when I would start off with asking how you have been. But that day is far behind me. Speaking truthfully, a lot of things are falling behind me. We met June 2, 2004. So many things changed in me that day. A feeling that I had never felt welled up in my heart. I fell for you from the start. There was a ton of things that touched my heart about you. I never thought I would be without you. There was nothing I wouldn't do for you, and you for me. Even through all of my selfish, forgetful, unthoughtful times, you stuck it out with me. For five years in fact.

Like all good things go, there was the bad to curve them. But were a team. We stuck it out together in a lot of situations. We cared for each other, making a good life for ourselves. Nobody could tell us anything. When I look at where we started, in a weekly hotel room, with one car, and where we ended up, a completely brand new 2 bedroom apartment with two cars, I see the progress we made. We never neglected to help whoever we could, cousins, parents, and friends. I'm shaking my head at all of the things we did. But we were always okay. We worked hard, and we always came home to each other. I never saw anyone else but you. I never paid attention to anyone who made a pass at me, or you for that matter, because I knew what WE had. We stood up for each other. We built each other up. We encouraged each other. We truly loved each other.

Looking back at our past with each other, I still find it hard to realize where we ended up. I thought we just needed some time apart, to step back and see what we needed out of ourselves and each other. I couldn't imagine my self without you. When I thought about the next 5,10, 20 years, all I saw was you. It hurt me the day I honestly came to you and told you I did not love you. I cried for so long about that. I know I hurt you, but I was hurting also. I had to tell you the truth. But I still wanted you. I wanted to do whatever it took to repair our relationship. I guess our time apart gave you the opportunity to see what you really wanted, and it wasn't me. I saw your true personality when I was out of the picture. You broke my trust like I don't think will ever happen again.  I've blamed myself for a lot of what happened to us, but know, I can see the truth. You did exactly what you wanted to do. That's why we are where we are today. You had to go and do you, and that is okay with me.

You will never know what you did to me. I know I hurt you, but you completely broke me down. I'm still rebuilding. It is going to take me awhile to do so. But, I will do it. I'm over our past. I'm over what we had. I'm over what I did. I'm over what you did to me. I'm over you. I wish the best for you in your life. This is my dear john to you. I'm not sure you will ever see it. But this is it. I said my peace.

Goodbye

Adele - First Love